I have two children, twenty toes that by this time have walked miles. Earlier this evening I saw two children, the fifth and sixth of a friend of mine, which she didn't plan on having. These two children are barely a week old, and their twenty toes are in that fragile, finite stage of having never been used to walk--soles yet untrodden.
I discovered today something about a friend of mine that I had not noticed: she has a daughter. This daughter does not live with her and this is an event with a story I have never heard, nor is it necessary that I ever hear it, but it changes things. Being a mother changes things. A lot of things.
I visited a friend a few months ago to deliver a gift for her newborn. I went home destitute that I did not have this overwhelming urge to have another kid. I spent this evening with two babies and I cared more for their mother and her well-being. These children were these women's gifts, and I didn't want another one.
I knew before I got pregnant the second time that I wanted and was ready for number two. I recall missing the quickening, the movement, the experience of being pregnant. Not four months later I discovered I had a tot incubating.
Four and a half years after the end of that pregnancy, I am done. I have said that I am not ready to be done, but I think I know. I think I am truly done.
The monsters I have now, my twenty toes, they are a lot of work. They are amazing, and all the things a mother feels towards her children, these kids are. They are mine and I need them. I have my work cut out for me, because these are the two children I get. These make me mom.
Willing and impatient models, giggling. Flash and auto, because they're in a box. The cell phone attempts (because the camera was missing) earlier did not get enough light.
Tomorrow's word: chart
1 comment:
* applauds *
I think I spelled that right. Good use of words.
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